Tuesday, October 21, 2014

new identification

I never wanted to get married to like show the world how happy I am and I am married. 
I wanted to get married to become one small Family with my husband. I wanted to tie the know to share the rest of our lives together. With all those commitments and advantages. I wanted to show the world: see I have a Family! He is my Family! I am not alone!
Getting married was so easy compared to chose a lastname! When I was younger I always wanted to give away my last name. It was something that did not belong to me nor identified me. But making the decision was so hard. It was the name I grow up with. Through I did not liked my last name it kind of became my identification over the years. It was the name I had my whole life! The whole time I was 100% sure I did not wanted my future children to have the last name I grew up with. One can make too many ugly nicknames with it, I really suffered from those names! 
But taking his name seemed so wrong to me. I am not Mrs his-last-name. Mrs his-last-name is his mother. And I am nowhere his mother! I don´t want to put in one pot with her. We are too different. That wouldn´t be my identification! 
I would love him to hang my maiden name behind his lastname and me hanging his lastname behind my maiden name. But in Germany that isn´t allowed. You have to chose one family name. Although you don´t have to carry the family name. We could have chosen his lastname as our familyname but I would keep my maiden name. But if you want your name to scream WE ARE A FAMILY this wouldn´t help. 
Because I didn´t wanted his mothers identity and I need my own identity I chosen to hang his surname behind my maiden name. And create my very own identity. I googled my new lastname and I googled my complete name and did not find anyone with the same name. 
But it didnt felt like my identity. It felt like I was lying when I said my new name. So I chosen to answer the phone with his surname because it´s hanging on my name, so in order the last one. The first few month I felt like I was lying each time I answered the phone. When introducing myself I said my complete name and felt so weird. 
When I had my head up in the sky and answered to phone I kept on saying my maiden name. So at work, the people could never be sure who they were talking to. And if I  stammered people next to me would start to laugh. 
It´s just been recently that I noticed my complete name became my identity. I am identifying myself with that name now. It took me almost a year. 
I am glad I could chose my own name. Thinking of my parents generation they had no choice. My mother had to take my fathers lastname. It´s like they ripped out her identification and said now you are someone else. Take it. It´s sink or swim. 

It´s very hard to give up your identification and get a new name. But I am very happy to have my very own, no one else have this, identification. 

Spinat Gnocchi

Das ist echt ein super leckeres Gericht! Aufwendig in der Vorbereitung, aber die Arbeit wert. Es sind Nocken mit Spinat aus einem meiner neusten Kochbücher (das umbedingt mein Hubby haben wollte... der sich jetzt flexi-tarier nennt...)
Ich würde euch so gerne das Rezept geben, aber leider ist es nicht meins und ich kann es nicht aus dem Kochbuch klauen. Aber ihr könnt ja mal in einen Buchladen gehen und *hust* Das Kochbuch heißt  "Deftig Vegetarisch". Es ist teuer, ich weiß, aber es ist ein echt großes Buch mit wirklich vielen Rezepten. Habe daraus schon mehrere nachgekocht, eines hat gar nicht geklappt (irgendwie habe ich kein Glück mit Kartoffelgratins), aber die anderen waren echt super gut!

noch mehr Bilder:

Thursday, October 16, 2014

re-creating myself

We are going to move to another big city in Germany next month! I am super excited but also have some doubts regarding my profession.
If I am at work I really like it. I like to talk to the kids, they open up your eyes so often! You use a saying and the kids don´t understand that and it´s just so much fun what they answer. But of course my job is not only playing all the time. These days you have many problem children. And each parent thinks they can do your job better than you-self. I would love my job if I had less work with the parents and if there would be more male co-workers. Also I hate that I can only go in holidays when the day care is closed, which is in the main holidays. I get paid too less for so much responsibility! Don´t get me wrong, I like my job and I like to do it now, but I hardly can image myself still being a kindergarten-teacher in 20 years... 10 years...
So moving to another city opens new opportunities for me. I could change myself and re-create me. A brand new me. A brand new Jane.
I keep on saying "no 16 year old knows what to do for the rest of their lives" but apparently I am a decade older and still have no idea.
When I was a child I always wanted to become a flight attendant. I love flying, but only because it brings me to my holidays. I hate the lading. Through I am still flirting with that option.
After I finished my apprenticeship I wanted to study and have an office-job. Being well dressed all the time. This stresses me, too. I have ruined so many outfits at work.
Being ill at home today gave me the chance to google some jobs. Of course I have applied for my profession already, but if I would find an amazing job, I would totally go for that.
I am studying nutritions, and I would love to work as a dietician. But I am always so afraid of new things. Like I am already in doubt I could make that for a living. I am already in doubt!

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

DIY better-than-nutella

being ill at home really sucks, but that gives me time to update me blog!

It´s so cold outside lately, and I am freezing my feet off today. So I needed a warm and healthy lunch-snack!
I just had my selfmade nut-chocolate-spread I made the other day and oatmeal. With lots of health-benefits!
Here is the recipe for my spread, but instead of mixing hazelnuts and almonds, I used only hazelnuts this time. And I used half dark- / half milk-chocolate. Just look at that first photo! Doesn´t it look amazing?! And it tastes just as good as it looks like!
For your information, oatmeal as an oatmeal-lover that I am I know, the health benefits of it: Rolled oats have lots of dietary-fiber which regulates your poop and makes you feel full longer. Eating too less fiber can lead to digestive problems like costiveness. Eating too less fiber for a while can also promote bowel cancer, over-weight or diabetes.
Rolled oats have almost no sugar but lots of vitamines: tocopherol, B1, B2, B6, Biotin, pantothenic acid, niacin and folat! That means oatmeal helps with migraine and headaches, tiredness, lack of appetite and chapped lips.
I´m just an oatmeal lover!

Friday, October 10, 2014


I just noticed I never talked about my wedding. about what went wrong and stuff. I totally have to do soon!