I wanted to get married to become one small Family with my husband. I wanted to tie the know to share the rest of our lives together. With all those commitments and advantages. I wanted to show the world: see I have a Family! He is my Family! I am not alone!
Getting married was so easy compared to chose a lastname! When I was younger I always wanted to give away my last name. It was something that did not belong to me nor identified me. But making the decision was so hard. It was the name I grow up with. Through I did not liked my last name it kind of became my identification over the years. It was the name I had my whole life! The whole time I was 100% sure I did not wanted my future children to have the last name I grew up with. One can make too many ugly nicknames with it, I really suffered from those names!
But taking his name seemed so wrong to me. I am not Mrs his-last-name. Mrs his-last-name is his mother. And I am nowhere his mother! I don´t want to put in one pot with her. We are too different. That wouldn´t be my identification!
I would love him to hang my maiden name behind his lastname and me hanging his lastname behind my maiden name. But in Germany that isn´t allowed. You have to chose one family name. Although you don´t have to carry the family name. We could have chosen his lastname as our familyname but I would keep my maiden name. But if you want your name to scream WE ARE A FAMILY this wouldn´t help.
Because I didn´t wanted his mothers identity and I need my own identity I chosen to hang his surname behind my maiden name. And create my very own identity. I googled my new lastname and I googled my complete name and did not find anyone with the same name.
But it didnt felt like my identity. It felt like I was lying when I said my new name. So I chosen to answer the phone with his surname because it´s hanging on my name, so in order the last one. The first few month I felt like I was lying each time I answered the phone. When introducing myself I said my complete name and felt so weird.
When I had my head up in the sky and answered to phone I kept on saying my maiden name. So at work, the people could never be sure who they were talking to. And if I stammered people next to me would start to laugh.
It´s just been recently that I noticed my complete name became my identity. I am identifying myself with that name now. It took me almost a year.
I am glad I could chose my own name. Thinking of my parents generation they had no choice. My mother had to take my fathers lastname. It´s like they ripped out her identification and said now you are someone else. Take it. It´s sink or swim.
It´s very hard to give up your identification and get a new name. But I am very happy to have my very own, no one else have this, identification.